Regression
by KC Evans
Summary: Epilogue finally up. Kaoru thought she knew that their relationship would be changed if he ever found her again. But she didn't realize just how far back it would regress.
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: _Rurouni Kenshin _is copyrighted by its respective owners, of which I am not one.

* * *

Pulling down the brim of her hat more fully, Kaoru stared at the teacup in front of her as two men passed by to sit down at a table of their own. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief as they ignored her completely, chatting on about the harvest or something. After two years, she still feared discovery though many people before had chosen to ignore her in favor of their own affairs.

"More tea, dear?" came a voice at her elbow.

Jolted from her thoughts, Kaoru slanted a quick glance at the older woman beaming at her, a pot of steaming tea in hand. "Ah, yes, please. Thank you." She watched as her cup was refilled before fishing out a coin.

The old woman stopped her with a smile. "No need, dear. I can tell you had a long day. Consider this a gesture of gratitude for all your help."

Haaah? Kaoru blinked and stared at the woman, making sure most of her features weren't seen under the wide brim. Did she know something?

Giving her one last knowing smile, the old woman shuffled away to wait on the two men who had just entered. Kaoru stared after her, unsettled by that look. Perhaps she had come here one too many times and had done something to give herself away.

Whatever it was, she knew she had to leave now. Picking up her cup, Kaoru drank the contents down before rising, a hand gripping the sword at her side so it wouldn't bang against the table. She gently placed a coin on the table before turning to head out the door, one hand tugging her hat down again. Bowing her head, she escaped from the teahouse gratefully.

She didn't relax until the building was far behind her, and then only slightly. Breathing in deeply, Kaoru glanced back briefly, still rattled by the woman's meaningful words and gaze. Even if shopkeeper didn't intend on exposing Kaoru's secret, she could still slip and tell the wrong people the wrong thing.

Well, there was nothing Kaoru could do about it now. She would just have to avoid that particular stop for the next year or so. Cautioning herself to be more on guard, Kaoru turned her attention back to the road and forced her thoughts to focus on where she would head to next.

Perhaps the hot springs off the Hokkaido would be just the thing. Winter wasn't too far off and Karou preferred the warmth over cold.

Her strides, short but measured, ate up the distance quickly until she was far from the little teashop. Just as she began to relax being alone on the road, Kaoru heard a feminine voice exclaim, "Stop it! Please leave me alone!"

Kaoru didn't hesitate but broke into a run towards the voice, her left hand moving to rest on the pommel of her sword. Up ahead where the road parted in two different directions, two tall men stood on either side of a petite, hooded and cloaked figure. One of them, clearly a foreigner with short-cropped, spiky blond hair and a skull-shaped tattoo on the right triceps, reached out and shoved the figure again.

"You said you'd offer us something interesting and now yer backing away?" Skull said scornfully. His Western accent made it hard to understand him but his partner, a plain looking Japanese man with sickly pale skin and matted dark hair, snickered.

"She's just a tease. You know how these women are."

"Yeah, and now she's going to pay for it!"

"Stop, leave me alone!"

Something struck Kaoru as odd with the situation; for one, the woman in the cloak made no move to try and escape from the two men. For another, her tone seemed off, as if she didn't seem too worried about being attacked, regardless of her words.

But Pale Face reached out and tried to grope her, only to have his hand slapped away. "Hey! Are you going back on your word?" he growled, his face twisting into a deep scowl.

Shoving aside any lingering doubts, Kaoru stopped ten feet away and said calmly, "You heard her; she asked you to stop. As honorable gentlemen, you should listen to the lady." She tilted her head down slightly so only her mouth was seen, the rest of her face blocked by the overlarge hat.

Both men turned and stared incredulously at Kaoru. Finally, Pale Face turned to his partner and said, "Hey, isn't that the ghost swordsman that's been rumored to walk around the country? She's supposed to be some sort of hero that saves people and she's always seen wearing a stupid straw hat like that."

"Ehh, really? She looks more like a nosy busybody to me," Skull mused, staring at Kaoru up and down in a way that suddenly made her feel exposed.

"She's supposed to be good so you'd better be careful."

"Oh, don't worry, I'll leave a piece for you, Ninta." Grinning, Skull advanced upon her with a sadistic leer. "Come to onii-sama and let's play."

Pursing her lips in disgust, Kaoru stepped into a drawing position and waited until Skull was within swords' reach. In a smooth, practiced motion, Kaoru freed her sword from the sheath, catching the end of the blade right at her attacker's throat before jerking upward to free it from his chin. Gurgling, Skull grabbed his neck and spluttered before falling to his knees, rasping for breath with his nearly crushed windpipe.

Without pausing, Kaoru ran towards Pale Face, one hand on her sheath. She raised her sword to attack even as she kept her head down to prevent from being seen by either person. In a handful of steps, Kaoru closed the distance between them and swept the blade down in a diagonal across his chest. She looked up enough to see the surprised look cross the Japanese man's face before he howled in pain and stumbled back a few feet. Kaoru followed him step by step and turned the blade so the flat side caught his neck. Pale Face made the same strange gurgling sound and fell onto his back. After one twitch, he lay still.

Kaoru breathed in slowly and checked the sword briefly to make sure no blood had splattered on its edge. The two men appeared to be amateur fighters and she didn't have any desire to shed their blood; she only wanted to teach them a lesson. When they next woke up, perhaps the ensuing body aches would remind them not to accost any other women or insult their hats. Kaoru smiled to herself at the thought and was about to turn towards the cloaked woman when a strangely familiar voice remarked softly, "That's the sakabatou, isn't it?"

Her smile slid away instantly as her body stiffened. A sliver of tension settled on the back of Kaoru's neck, stiffening her spine, and she didn't dare turn around. That voice …

Her heartbeat sped up, faster than it had when she was fighting the two thugs. Dragging in some air so she wouldn't pass out, Kaoru dropped her head at an angle so it would be harder to see her under the hat. She had to leave, and now. Without responding to the question, she sheathed her sword and started to walk away quickly from other cloaked woman. _Stupid, Kaoru_, she thought vehemently to herself, desperately trying to hold back from breaking into a run. _Stupid stupid stupid_ …..

"Ow, hey! Kaoru!"

The familiar, feminine shout was the only warning she had. Kaoru glanced over her shoulder, eyes widening as Skull ran straight towards her with a snarl on his lips and a dagger pointed straight at her. She didn't have nearly enough time to draw her sword or even move out of the way. Frozen in place, Kaoru closed her eyes tightly and braced herself for the impact.

Only it never came. Two seconds passed and she heard a loud smack and a thud but since she was still standing, it must have been Skull who fell. Perhaps he had tripped on the ground?

Opening her eyes, Kaoru confirmed that Skull indeed lay on the ground, completely unconscious this time. But the reason why he was in such condition made her heart lurch to her throat before dropping straight down to her toes.

Loose flame-red hair, longer than she had ever seen it, swayed briefly in the breeze before the head turned and stared at her with molten gold eyes. His face, which seemed kind and gentle before, now held no trace of warmth or peace as his gaze focused directly onto her.

Kaoru backpedaled two steps, her hand going to her throat in a defensive gesture even as her brain denied his presence. And despite the unfamiliar black gi he wore, the familiar whiff of warm ginger mingled with a hint of the forest wafted under her nose. That recognizable scent roused half-buried memories, memories she had wanted to forget. Kaoru took another step back, eyes blinking furiously to make him vanish from sight, half-certain her vision was playing tricks on her.

But Kenshin stayed exactly where he was, the golden eyes not straying from her face. Kaoru noticed with some hysterical bemusement that he had a sword in his hand that wasn't his usual weapon.

Of course not. Because she had taken the sakabatou the night she left the dojo.

Their locked gazes finally broke as Kenshin followed her eyes to the sword in his hand. He hefted it experimentally before looking back at her. "After you left, I had to find another blade. While it is no true reverse-blade sword, the edge is dulled enough to serve its purposes."

Kenshin's voice hadn't changed. It was still calm, soothing, even coolly conversational. But a thread of hardness and fury carried in the undertone. Kaoru choked back a sudden sob, overwhelmed by his unexpected presence and, without thinking, turned to flee from him. Her eyes, filling with unshed tears, caused the road to blur in front of her. The twisting of her heart squeezed her lungs down to her stomach.

She took only two steps when she ran into something hard. Instantly, hands caught her arms and steadied her. Kaoru looked up and managed, through her swimming eyes, to focus on a tall, dark-haired man gazing impassively down on her.

Shinomori Aoshi.

Which meant her first guess about the cloaked woman was right. Makimachi Misao, the cloaked figure who had never ever screamed for help a day in her life, pretended to be a helpless victim and lured her into the confrontation with the thugs. Knowing friend as well as she did, Misao used Kaoru's penchant to help people to draw her in and trap her.

A plan worthy of the Oniwabanshu. Kaoru only wished she could appreciate their ingenuity more.

Sagging in Aoshi's grasp, Kaoru bowed her head until she could see her sandaled feet. She felt more than heard Kenshin approaching and tensed at his sudden nearness. His warmth, which had always reached out to her, crowded around her, pressed in, demanded to be recognized and embraced. But Kaoru refused to give in and didn't look up at him.

Someone plucked the hat from her head so her bound and plaited hair fell down, almost to her waist now. Then cool fingers tucked themselves under her chin and forced her head up.

With little choice, Kaoru lifted her gaze until it met Kenshin's, resenting the fact that he could manhandle her so easily. She knew her eyes flashed defiant cobalt, though it didn't seem to affect him in the least. Kenshin merely studied her for a long while before the fingers dropped down and grasped her lower sword arm. Instantly, Aoshi released her and stepped back so she was now in full custody of Kenshin.

"Let's go," Kenshin said curtly, turning to face the road. He strode off, nearly dragging Kaoru with her.

"The men?" Aoshi asked him, jerking his head to indicate the unconscious thugs.

Kenshin didn't even look back. "Leave them. I've got what I came for."

* * * * *

It only occurred to Kaoru much later that the journey to their destination was unusually silent. Only when Kenshin pulled her into a small shack on the side of the road did she realize Misao hadn't said a word to her since they began walking. She had caught a glimpse of the two shinobi following them so it wasn't as if Misao had disappeared. But perhaps the once-gaki girl was now angry at Kaoru. Or perhaps she had changed into a more mature woman who kept any outbreaks to a minimum.

Kaoru almost sighed. Either explanation disturbed her more than she realized. She didn't know her friends anymore, a penalty Kaoru had only vaguely recognized as a consequence of leaving. She had begun to think that she would outsmart her friends and elude them forever. Or perhaps they had finally stopped looking for her.

She realized now that neither answer was correct.

The shack, though small, seemed well-kept enough to house them for the evening. A ring of rocks lay in the middle of the room with ashes piled inside, serving as a fireplace. There was a table with a broken leg that balanced precariously on the remaining two stumps and several crumpled piles of wood that once might have been chairs. To the far corner were two sets of badly gathered hay and a moth-eaten blanket over them, barely recognizable as a makeshift bed. At least an inch of dust coated everything, discouraging anyone from taking a deep breath lest they also inhaled the mites.

Kenshin guided Kaoru to the makeshift fireplace and tugged her down. "Sit," he said curtly.

Not daring to disobey, Kaoru unbuckled the sword belt, placing it within easy reach more out of habit than fear, and slowly settled onto the hard ground. She was careful not to catch Kenshin's eye but unable to look away from him either. His entire body vibrated a stiffness Kaoru had never really encountered before which made her wary. To make things worse, he hadn't yelled or fixed her with a look of disappointment or pain or anything. His golden gaze remained as hard and cold as it did when Jin'e held her captive.

No. Kaoru caught a glimpse of Kenshin's eyes again and suppressed a shiver. It was worse. Much worse.

Wrapping her arms around herself in an unconscious, defensive gesture, Kaoru glanced at the door, wondering where Aoshi and Misao were. They hadn't lagged so far behind that it would take them this long to come in. Or perhaps they had decided to give Kenshin some space and time with her. Which Kaoru fervently hoped wasn't true. The last thing she wanted to do was face him. She hadn't been strong enough to do it two years ago and she wasn't strong enough now.

Kenshin, she noticed, prowled around the room like a restless spirit, checking who-knew-what as he peered at the gaping holes of the hut. He didn't look at her or attempt to make any kind of conversation. In fact, Kaoru began to think he was deliberately ignoring her.

Which suited her just fine. It would make things easier to pretend that none of this was actually happening and she was just dreaming.

But with her luck, that thought dissipated just as quickly as she thought it. Aoshi and Misao finally entered the hut, carrying a brace of rabbits and a pile of wood with them. Misao dumped the sticks into the middle of the fireplace and took out some flint and steel. With one sure strike, she kindled a twig and gently blew on it to encourage the flames to spread.

Kaoru was impressed with such a display. Misao had never had any trouble surviving but she couldn't remember a time when the kunoichi seemed so sure of herself or her skills.

Aoshi, taking the time to efficiently skin and spit the rabbits with the sharpened end of a wooden stick, brought the rabbits over. Misao rummaged through her pack and withdrew two Y-shaped metal bars which she jammed on each side of the bonfire. Once done, Aoshi laid the spit across the intersection of the Ys to let the animals cook over the fire.

All this was done with such well-practiced movements that Kaoru suspected it was a nightly habit they had picked up. Certainly they didn't seem taken aback by how well they worked together, nor was Kenshin gaping at their coordinated movements. Her friends truly had gone and changed. It hurt that Kaoru hadn't been around to see it.

Of course, Kaoru thought with a self-deprecating smile, had she chosen to stay, she would have. But at this point, Kaoru supposed the point was moot.

Still, she stared gloomily at the flickering fire, ignoring it when a spittle of rabbit fat spat out from the flames and landed on her hand. Misao kept rotating the meat around so each side would cook evenly. She never looked once at Kaoru.

The silence, in the end, was finally broken by Aoshi. He squatted by her and offered a waterskin. "Drink."

It was just one word but for Aoshi, it bordered on a miracle. Kaoru stared at him for a long moment and he returned the gaze patiently, his face still a mask that she couldn't penetrate. Finally, she nodded wordlessly and took it. Uncorking the top, she tilted the skin back and drank the water down. It tasted warm and fairly musty, but it moistened her parched throat which she hadn't realized was so dry. When she finished, she corked it back up and handed it back to Aoshi.

The tall shinobi rose and retreated again, out of range of the flames. Twilight gave way to evening and darkness blanketed the house except where the flickering fire cast its light. Even so, Misao's face seemed imposing, half of it cast in the shadows as she tended to the meal.

Eventually, the pleasing aroma of rabbit wafted from the spit as their dinner sizzled when more fat dripped into the fire. Kaoru felt more than heard her stomach rumble, reminding her it was definitely time to eat. The cups of tea she had drunk hours earlier had merely whetted her appetite.

Aoshi removed the spit from the fire and began to cut large chunks of meat off the stick, portioning it onto small, travel-sized plates. Without a word, Kenshin approached the fireplace and settled down next to Kaoru, so close his knee touched hers. Aoshi handed the first plate to Misao before distributing them to Kaoru, Kenshin, and finally himself.

"Itadakimasu," Aoshi murmured and everyone else followed suit. Kaoru only whispered the words, unwilling to call more attention to herself. She despised the heavy silence that had fallen on those whom she once considered her closest friends but she didn't want to talk and explain herself either.

They would never understand. Least of all Kenshin.

So Kaoru concentrated on the meal, taking care to eat every piping hot portion of the rabbit. The first taste of the bland meat made her realize just how hungry she was. It wasn't quite as tasty since it hadn't been properly seasoned, but Kaoru was too hungry to care in the end.

Once dinner ended, the dishes and utensils were taken care of in the exact same efficient manner they had been put out. When all was done, they sat around the fire, listening to the fire crackle and the heavy silence press upon them.

Finally, Aoshi stirred and said quietly, "We should plan on what to do next."

For a moment, Kaoru wasn't sure who Aoshi spoke to until Kenshin finally answered. His voice sounded edgier this time and Kaoru knew instinctively that he was trying to remain calm. "We'll go back to Kyoto. I have taken you both away long enough as it is."

"The Oniwabanshu are doing well. We have been correspondingly regularly with Okina and he assures us nothing is happening that he and the others cannot handle. We are able to stay with you a little longer if necessary." Aoshi flicked a glance in Kaoru's direction as he spoke.

But Kenshin shook his head. "No. It is time for us to go home as well." And he shot Kaoru a hard look that almost caused her heart to stop beating. Her instincts were right; Kenshin was extremely furious at her and, from the look of things, she wasn't going to get off easily.

Aoshi relented with a nod. "Very well, then, we'll make our way back to Kyoto. However, you should at least let the others know you've found her."

Kenshin nodded curtly but said nothing more. Kaoru avoided looking at him, staring fixedly at one of the stones encircling the fire.

Finally, Aoshi stood. "Misao, perhaps you can show Kaoru where to wash up before we turn in for the evening," he said neutrally.

Misao looked up at him before nodding. She jerked her head in Kaoru's direction and headed outside without a word.

Kaoru's heart felt as if it was tearing in two. Misao had probably been her closest female friend besides Megumi, and now it seemed they were perfect strangers. Had her disappearance really done this much damage to them all? She hadn't intended to hurt them, but no one would believe that.

Except Aoshi. As she stood on shaky legs, the shinobi caught her gaze. The dark eyes didn't exactly display warmth and understanding but he acknowledged her presence, at least.

Perhaps it was better than she deserved. Kaoru hurried away from the heat of the fire, a kind of coldness creeping up from the soles of her feet to settle heavily in her stomach. She blinked furiously to wipe the tears from her eyes, mourning the loss of her friends.

Still, she knew that if she had to choose again, Kaoru would make the same decision.

Outside, Misao waited a few feet away, nearly invisible in the dark. "Follow me. I won't insult you by advising you not to run. You won't escape Kenshin twice."

A fleeting sense of hope warmed Kaoru's soul; at least the kunoichi finally spoke to her. While Misao didn't sound exactly warm and friendly, it wasn't completely indifferent, either. Perhaps she could salvage the relationship.

Lighting a small lantern, Misao led the way down a small path which eventually ended at a small stream. Misao set the light down, knelt at the edge and cupped some water in her hands to drink. After some hesitation, Kaoru did the same a few feet away. The cold water washed down the taste of rabbit from her mouth and it helped settle her nerves some. Rolling up her sleeves, Kaoru washed her face, arms, and hands, turning towards the light source to scrub more vigorously. Lacking any cleaning supplies, she did the best she could until something slimy and wet was pressed into her hands.

Kaoru looked up and met Misao's gaze that reflected the deep velvet blue of her eyes in the dim lantern. "Here, use this," she said quietly.

Her heart leapt in relief. That tiny gesture of friendliness almost made Kaoru want to weep with joy. She seized the opportunity to rebuild the tattered remains of her relationship with the kunoichi by grabbing her hand and upsetting the soap. "Misao, please," she begged her. "Please tell me you aren't so angry that you can never forgive me." Kaoru despised how her voice hitched as she fought back the telltale signs of a cry coming on.

Misao looked away and strained silence fell between them. Kaoru desperately clung onto the softly calloused palm in her hand, feeling the slight trembling in that appendage and not daring to breathe. Finally, the kunoichi exhaled and the tension seeped away from her body until she had completely deflated. "I was never very good at holding grudges anyway," she admitted as she drew her eyes back to Kaoru.

Elation overcame Kaoru and she couldn't speak for a moment. Finally getting her emotions under control, she offered Misao a tiny smile. "Neither am I," she whispered.

Softening even further, Misao drew Kaoru into a long, tight embrace. "We thought we had lost you for good," the younger woman murmured. "We were devastated when you turned up missing. Himura most of all."

Kaoru tried not to stiffen in her friend's arms but the mention of Kenshin swept a cold wave of dread through her heart. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "But I did what I thought I had to do."

Drawing back, Misao studied her curiously. "So why did you leave?" she asked. "None of us ever understood your reason. I thought Himura might have done something at first and even threatened him to come clean. But he always maintained that he never did anything and vowed to find you no matter how long it took."

Although there was no longer any real censure in Misao's voice, Kaoru winced at the implication of her words. She knew Kenshin – or the others – would have reacted somewhat strongly to her abrupt disappearance, especially after their long history together, but she hadn't realized her friends would accuse Kenshin of causing her to run. The last thing she wanted to do was to place her departure squarely on his shoulders. "I know I owe you an explanation, Misao, but please, give me some time," she whispered, looking down at her hands. "It's … it's complicated and I think I'm going to have to talk to Kenshin first." She looked up, aware she cast her friend a pleading look. "But please, it's not Kenshin's fault. Not really. He didn't do anything overtly to make me leave."

Misao stared at her for a long moment. Kaoru knew the younger woman caught the significance of her last words; her leaving did have to do with Kenshin. "All right, Kaoru," she said finally. "I'll give you the time that you need. But I'll just tell you right now, Himura's changed ever since you disappeared and he's going to want a very good explanation as to why you left."

"I know he's changed. You have, too." Kaoru tried to smile at her friend but her lips refused to curve up. "You're much more serious than you used to be. And you've gotten better at your shinobi skills."

Misao beamed, instantly melting away any trace of somberness. "I have, haven't I? Aoshi's been giving me private lessons. Jiya thought it was shameful that the leader of the Oniwabanshu was so clumsy and ordered him to help me. Of course, Aoshi was a fantastic teacher and I learned a lot from him. To tell you the truth, though, I think I was just going through just an awkward phase in my growth spurt and it took me a while to get used to getting taller and all. But at least I got some private tutoring out of it." She smiled smugly at Kaoru.

Kaoru couldn't help but really smile this time. That long, breathless litany was exactly what she remembered about Misao. It was nice to see that not everything had changed in her absence. "You've gotten much better," she agreed, "but your acting skills still need some work. I almost didn't come 'rescue' you, you know."

Misao winced. "Really? Aoshi keeps telling me that I'm not convincing enough as a maiden in distress and I never knew how much work it was to pretend to be helpless. I mean, how does swooning help you in that kind of situation? Wouldn't it make more sense to kick or punch the guy?"

"Absolutely," Kaoru agreed fondly. The lack of the honorific from Aoshi's name sounded out of place, yet it suited Misao. Kaoru thought it was about time the kunoichi addressed her long-time crush in a more intimate gesture. But before she could say so, his voice called out, "Misao? Are you two done? It's getting late."

Misao winced, apparently realizing just how much time had passed since they went down to the river. "We'll be right there!" she called back.

The exchange, while swift, sounded unusual. Perhaps it was the way Aoshi had addressed Misao. Instead of his usual, bland tone, a touch of something lurked under his words. Concern, perhaps? Kaoru stared at her friend speculatively for a long moment before raising an eyebrow. "So … you and Aoshi?" she asked.

Misao's smile grew bigger and she nodded jauntily. "Yes, for almost a year now. We'll be betrothed in a few months after I turn nineteen. Jiya promised we wouldn't wait as long for the wedding but he wanted me to grow up a little more first." She splashed some more water on her face before standing. "Come on, we had better get back before Himura decides we're taking too long and stalks over here."

Nodding in agreement, Kaoru rose and began to follow Misao back up the path towards the hut. But before they had taken ten steps, Misao suddenly turned around and said, "You know you can always talk to me, right, Kaoru? I don't know why you left but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll listen."

Sometimes, Kaoru wondered what she had done to deserve such a good friends like Misao. Sudden tears sprang up, stinging her eyes as Kaoru attempted to blink them back. The ache of leaving her friends behind, hidden for the past two years, suddenly grew like a gaping maw in her heart. She hugged the younger woman tightly and whispered, "Yes, I know. Thank you."

Satisfied, Misao turned back and led them back to shelter. Inside the house, both men were still seated around the fire. Two bedrolls lay behind them, ready to sleep in. Aoshi looked up at the women and nodded. "We will resume our journey at dawn tomorrow. I suggest you go to sleep now in preparation."

Misao went directly towards the bed closest to Aoshi and flopped down. "Good night, then," she said. She shot Kaoru a reassuring look and a wink before lying down. Rolling over on her side, the kunoichi fell asleep within minutes.

A hint of a wry smile tugged at the corners of Aoshi's mouth as he watched her. Following suit, he laid down within the sleeping roll, his lean body curved protectively around Misao.

Kaoru hesitated before gingerly making her way towards the bed at Kenshin's back. She tried not to make a sound, as if the slightest of noises would rouse the hidden beast to anger. As she reached the roll, she sat down, sliding her feet underneath the covers before looking at Kenshin's back. He hadn't moved ever since she and Misao had come back from the river, keeping his eyes riveted to the fire. She hesitated, wondering if they were going to share the bed just like Aoshi and Misao were doing. Kaoru didn't really want to ask him but the thought of not knowing made it worse.

Gathering her courage, Kaoru took a deep breath and asked quietly, "Are you going to bed?"

Kenshin didn't answer and just when Kaoru gave up waiting, Aoshi murmured, "Himura will take first watch tonight."

"Oh." Kaoru remembered Kenshin always taking turns with Sano or Aoshi staying up whenever they traveled on the road together. Kenshin had once explained to her that the roads were so dangerous nowadays, one had to be extremely careful and vigilant, even during the quietest hours of the night.

Laying down, she turned so her back lay towards Kenshin. Kaoru realized the sakabatou lay within hand's reach and she drew it closer for reassurance. Despite the comforting touch of the worn sheath that slightly relaxed her, Kaoru wondered if she was going to be able to sleep tonight. Not when a familiar body sat within arm's reach, still vibrating anger and deep hurt.

*****

Kaoru abruptly awoke just before dawn from months of ingrained habit of sleeping in less-than-safe situations. For the first time in a long time, she felt warmly comfortable and she snuggled against that heat – that is, until her body hit something hard but yielding. That something hard shifted slightly but stopped moving again. She froze, her heartbeat accelerating as memories of yesterday's events came crashing to the forefront of her mind. What else felt so hot it was like touching a furnace? As her breath caught, Kaoru debated whether or not to turn over to see if her suspicions were correct. Finally unable to stand it any longer, she inched around to look behind her.

Kenshin lay beside her, already awake. His burning gold eyes stared down at her as his body was molded protectively around her. Kaoru was vaguely aware that Aoshi, up to keep watch, had politely turned away to stare at Misao and give them a semblance of privacy.

As close as she was to Kenshin, feeling the heat from his body reaching out to wrap around hers, Kaoru felt her mouth dry, and not necessarily from just fear. It had been two years since she had been this close to Kenshin and her body, predictably, reacted to his closeness. Feeling herself overheat from the sheer power of his presence, Kaoru couldn't find any words to say to him. She didn't even know what _to_ say.

Luckily, after another long, assessing stare, Kenshin finally sat up from the bedroll and stood without looking back down at her. "We leave in a half hour," he said curtly before striding out the door.

Taken aback by his abrupt exit, Kaoru watched him leave before she realized Aoshi watching her. "What?" she asked self-consciously. Her fingers tightened their grip on the sword reflexively which she hadn't released, even in sleep.

Aoshi didn't answer her question but said instead, "When Misao awakens, you can go to the river again to wash yourself."

Thirty minutes later, the four of them set out on the road again. Kenshin had not demanded or taken the sakabatou away so Kaoru girded it back on her waist, infinitely relieved of the familiar weight dangling across her left hip. She gave up plaiting her hair again and instead tied it back at the nape of her neck. Kaoru made a mental note to have Misao cut it at some point now that the kuniochi was at least talking to her.

Her hat was nowhere in sight and Kaoru didn't have enough courage to ask Kenshin what he did with it. In fact, all throughout breakfast of cold, leftover rabbit and some hard bread, he remained as aloof as he had the night before.

She walked behind Kenshin but in front of Aoshi and Misao. Kaoru knew they looked like an odd group together on the road; most women who traveled only went to the nearest market and almost always had some parcel with them. Perhaps in order to seem less suspicious, Misao wore her cloak with the hood up. Although they received several odd looks, no one stopped them or questioned their blatant disregard for the sword ban.

The day dragged on as they did nothing but walk and rest at certain times or relieve themselves. Misao didn't speak much but cast Kaoru several reassuring looks that warmed her heart. Perhaps Kenshin made Misao too nervous for her usual chatter; the red-head still looked out of sorts and no one dared speak with him.

That night, they slept outdoors under a shady grove of trees for camouflage as well as protection. There was no nearby river to clean themselves up and Kaoru went to bed feeling dirty. It wasn't the first time she had felt this way but she never got used to it.

Kenshin stayed up to watch as well but Kaoru didn't fall asleep for a long time, knowing come morning that he would be sharing the bed with her again.

At dawn, they resumed the last leg of their travels. Having journeyed back and forth in the prefecture for two years, Kaoru recognized the road would take them directly into Kyoto by late afternoon. Dread filled her heart at having to leave Misao and Aoshi behind. At least she had had a friend and buffer against Kenshin; she didn't want to know what would happen when they headed to Tokyo on their own.

The tension between them worsened when they stopped at a teahouse for lunch and overheard rumors concerning the ghost swordsman. Kaoru knew how often and embellished the rumors about her were but it always amazed her how exaggerated the stories had become. As they sipped the last of their tea, three newcomers entered the small shop and spoke loudly with one another.

"Did you hear that last week, the swordsman single-handedly repelled back a group of raiders from overcoming a caravan of supplies for the Prime Minister? I heard there were thirteen men all beaten to the ground when the police showed up!"

"That's nothing," another one scoffed. "A month ago, the ghost swordsman freed an entire village from some dirty yakuza who had taken it over for his own evil gains. She utterly destroyed the boss and he hasn't been found since!"

"I wonder who it is. Hey, you think it's a woman like some people say?"

"A woman? You've got to be kidding me. Someone that good can't possibly be female!"

Kaoru didn't even twitch at that remark, having heard it all before. In fact, it had worked to her advantage several times when her identity was almost revealed. But next to her, Misao bristled in indignation. "I should show them exactly what a 'female' is capable of," she muttered, earning a stern look of disapproval from Aoshi.

"But I heard the swordsman is real short. And no one's ever gotten a good look at them. How do you know it's _not_ a woman?" the second voice countered.

"Look, someone with enough courage to rescue two kids from a burning building has got to be a man. Women are too fragile for that sort of thing."

The loud thunk of a teacup hitting the table made Kaoru jump and she looked up with wide eyes. Instead of an indignant Misao, as she half expected, Kenshin stood and strode towards the exit. As he passed by the three gossiping men, he paused and said, "You don't need to worry about the ghost swordsman. She's dead. I killed her."

Every conversation stopped flat in the entire teahouse. All eyes fixated on the red-haired man staring down at the three men who looked back, gaping.

Finally, the third man managed to work his jaw enough to say, "What?"

Kenshin smiled then, a cruel parody of amusement that made the men visibly flinch. "I killed her. You'll never see her again so you don't have to worry about it any longer." He looked up and met Aoshi's calm stare. "Let's go," he said curtly before striding back out to the road.

Speechless and just a little bit angry, Kaoru rose with Misao and Aoshi and followed after them. Soon, the confusion gave way to seething fury and she fumed inside. How dare Kenshin say such a thing? What in the world possessed him to say such a ridiculous, untrue comment?

She almost had a half a mind to march up to Kenshin and smack him on the head before demanding an explanation for his actions. But from the vibrating power that poured out from him, she thought it perhaps wasn't the wisest move. Yet that didn't abate her anger and Kaoru found herself, for the first time since meeting him again, feeling more than confused and scared. She was mad. Furious.

As soon as they caught up with Kenshin, to Kaoru's surprise, Aoshi spoke. "That was ill-advised of you, Himura," he said calmly. "Now that you have sparked such rumors, a hunt will be on for the ghost swordsman."

"Well, they won't find her, will they?" And Kenshin flashed Kaoru what she could only describe as a triumphant, fiercely self-satisfied look. "Then they'll know what I said was true."

"Yes, but then they'll come after you," Aoshi pointed out dryly. "After all, the ghost swordsman is – was rather popular among the common folk. And contrary to what you may think, there are very few red-headed men heading towards Kyoto. A red-headed man with a scar on his cheek, no less. Rumors of Battousai may even be resurrected because of your actions."

"Let them." And with those clipped words, Kenshin made clear that the conversation was at an end.

Kaoru's head spun at the revelation of Kenshin's outburst. It was odd to see him reacting instead of thinking things through. Did he truly not care that his actions may have put himself in danger? And why did he look so smug when he told the men he had killed the ghost swordsman? None of Kenshin's actions made sense to her anymore.

To her relief, nothing else happened the rest the journey back to Kyoto. As they neared the city limits, Kaoru felt a pang of homesickness, not only for the city that held so many memories for her, but for her own hometown. So many things had happened here, from meeting new friends to finding Kenshin on his mission to destroy Shishio … the sheer amount of memories was almost too much to bear. She had never expected to set foot back into the city again. The Oniwabanshu had too many spies for her to risk coming here and no amount of disguises would fool them.

The city looked to have prospered well; crowds of people all mingled in the sidewalks and roads, occasionally stepping aside to a wagon or horse through. The murmurs of voices swelled up until it filled the entire area and the air tasted of just baked bread, fresh produce, and the faint odor of fish. They wended their way through the crowd a little more easily as anyone looking at Kenshin had enough sense to step back and allow him space.

The familiar street leading to the Aoiya didn't seem to have undergone much change, either. The roads bustled with people coming and going, flowing swiftly as if they all had important business to take care of. Kaoru saw the sign indicating the entrance to the restaurant and her heart ached.

They stopped next to the sliding door. Aoshi nodded to Kenshin and said, "If you have need of anything, please let us know."

Kenshin returned the gesture. "Thank you."

Misao hugged Kaoru tightly and murmured in her ear, "Everything will be all right. He still loves you and I know he won't hurt you." She then cast Kenshin a suspicious look before adding more loudly, "Though if he does, I'll be happy to come over and kick his rear for you."

"_Misao_," Aoshi said in a severe tone.

Kaoru returned the embrace just as tightly, wishing she didn't feel as though her last ally was leaving her. Oh, she didn't think Kenshin would hurt her physically, no matter how angry he was; he was too honorable a man to hit a woman despite his fury. But he was also not one to take a slight on his honor, and worse, Kaoru knew she had hurt him deeply. "Thanks, Misao," she whispered.

"Please give Okina and the others our regards," Kenshin said. "As well as our apologies that we couldn't stay any longer. But you can imagine I am eager to get home."

"Yes," Aoshi agreed. His eyes drifted to Kaoru briefly and he offered her a slight bow. "I am glad we found you." Kaoru only nodded back weakly, touched that he would actually say such a thing. Aoshi then turned, slid the shoji opened, and gestured Misao to enter in front of him. The faint sounds of greeting carried over but abruptly cut off as the door shut behind them.

Kaoru took a deep breath to calm her rapid heartbeat. She still hadn't gotten over her fury at Kenshin's earlier behavior at the teahouse, but she was also far more nervous at being alone with him. She didn't know what he was going to say or even do. The only comfort she had was knowing she would soon see Sano and Yahiko. Of course, they would be severely annoyed with her, but it would be good to see them all the same.

Kenshin surprised her by clamping a hand down on her arm and dragging her to walk beside him. She stumbled after him, stifling a yelp at the sudden motion. He didn't look at her or even acknowledge her presence short of the tight grip right below her elbow. Perhaps now that Aoshi and Misao were gone, he felt as though he couldn't trust her to run away from him.

Kaoru felt the beginnings of unease when she realized Kenshin wasn't heading for the Tokaido Trail, the fastest way to Tokyo. Instead, his swift pace carried them out of the city and towards the countryside. The path looked vaguely familiar and she racked her brain to discover why. Suddenly, a vivid memory of her first time in Kyoto popped up. Searching for Kenshin and Sano, she and Yahiko had taken this very route to … Hiko's cottage?

Confusion and wariness infused her body as she thought about it. Why would Kenshin take her to his master's house? Knowing the man, he would have just laughed at Kenshin for 'losing his woman'.

A glance at Kenshin's intense expression as he marched up the familiar path to the mountainside told Kaoru it probably wasn't wise to pepper him with questions just yet. Kaoru wondered if she was going to have to get used to not understanding anything about him anymore.

When the cottage finally loomed into distance, Kaoru expected the outdoor furnace to be roaring with a fire and perhaps even Hiko Seijirou sitting out in front, drinking sake. But, looking around, she realized the oven door was tightly shut and she saw no pieces of pottery, done or otherwise sitting out.

Kenshin didn't say anything until he opened the door to the cottage and pulled Kaoru in. Too busy looking around for signs of Hiko, Kaoru tripped over the entrance and waited for a blistering lecture on manners from the arrogant tone of the Hiten Mitsurugi master. But only cold silence and musty air greeted her. Bewildered at the quiet, she stared around the dusty one-room house, feeling the eerie emptiness that settled into a home when someone hadn't occupied it for a very long time. Dust covered every inch of surface available, and while most things still looked the same, Kaoru also saw several changes. A low, rickety table was now tucked back into the far corner, holding a tiny, slender vase of wilted wildflowers and a hunk of moldy bread. A futon, rolled up neatly, lay against the wall where a spider made its home nearby, crawling over the dirt-covered blanket. Two windows, both without shutters, allowed sunlight to filter in, concentrating light on the grimy floor. The fireplace lay cold and bare, filled with ashes and only a few stray logs of wood littered the firebox.

The dread filling her heart grew heavier and Kaoru turned to face Kenshin who leaned against the door frame. "Where is Hiko?" she asked, her voice cracking slightly.

Those golden eyes watched her impassively for a long moment before Kenshin replied without inflection. "He died over a year ago."

Kaoru hadn't been very close to the man despite having fought together against Shishio's Juppongatana more than three years ago. She respected him as a fighter and, despite his alcoholic tendencies and brutal sarcasm, even respected him for his wisdom and understanding of Kenshin's character. But after the confrontation with Shishio, their contact had been minimal and she sensed that both Kenshin and Hiko might have wanted it that way.

Still, Hiko's death shocked Kaoru and she didn't know what to say or do. It was more than Hiko seemed larger than life and the fact he looked half his age, which didn't seem all that fair to Kaoru. It was all the sudden changes in her friends and she no longer knew how to handle things anymore. She wanted to ask Kenshin if he was all right and what happened to his master but her mouth wouldn't work.

Luckily, Kenshin finally moved passed her, squatting down in front of the hearth to clean out the ashes and throw some logs into the fireplace before lighting it. "I live here now," he said, almost conversationally, as if they were actually speaking to each other again without any wall between them. "After Hiko died, his will left me this cottage. So I moved in here."

"You left the dojo?" Kaoru asked in a painful whisper. The thought of Kenshin leaving never crossed her mind. She somehow thought the four of them – she, Kenshin, Sano, and Yahiko, would always remain together. Of course, Megumi, Misao, and occasionally Aoshi would be a regular visitor. After all, they were the Kenshin-gumi, as Yahiko had proclaimed.

When the fire blazed to Kenshin's satisfaction, he clapped his hands free from soot and dirt before standing up to face her. Gold eyes mocked her as he asked, "Does that bother you?"

Kaoru opened her mouth to answer but shut it the next moment. No matter what she replied, it drove his point across.

She should never have left.

All this was too much for Kaoru to take in. The vague feeling of numbness had prevented her from thinking too hard on what happened in the past two days, but she now had to come to terms with being reunited with her friends and accepting the fact she didn't know anything about them anymore. Kaoru never thought things would have changed so much between them all, much less between her and Kenshin, but here they were, virtual strangers once more.

The very idea almost made her weep. This wasn't supposed to happen! Karou felt torn between anger and fear and bitterness.

Kenshin, she realized, merely stood there, watching what Kaoru felt a myriad of emotions cross her face. She never did find a way to hide her feelings from Kenshin, and she suddenly felt as though her soul was exposed to him. Hating how vulnerable she felt, Kaoru took a deep breath and struggled to bring her emotions under control.

Apparently recognizing what she was doing, Kenshin's thoughtful manner peaked to the surface briefly and he abruptly strode past her. "I'm going to get more firewood and dinner." Without waiting for an answer, he stalked out.

Without Kenshin's measuring gaze upon her, Kaoru suddenly breathed more easily. He had given her a respite and the opportunity to bring her thoughts back into a semblance of order. She honestly didn't know if she would have the strength to face him in the near future, but Kenshin would demand answers and she had to give them to him. He deserved that much.

Sighing out loud, Kaoru looked around the tiny room for a distraction. Her nose wrinkled in disgust as she noted how dirty the hut was. The domestic side in her reared up in sight of such filth and she gratefully took to cleaning the place up. Not only would it give her something to do, but at least she would be useful.

Rolling up the sleeves of her gi, Kaoru hunted around for a cleaning cloth and began tackling all the dust that had accumulated from disuse. As she wiped the tables, dishes, table, and futon clean, she marveled at the thick coat of dust. It testified as to how long Kenshin had looked for her.

Guilt surged to the forefront again but Kaoru brutally pushed the feeling back down. Now was not the time to wallow in self-pity. She needed to calm down and think about things rationally to prepare for her confrontation with Kenshin.

When Kenshin finally returned with an armful of wood and some sort of animal Kaoru had never seen before slung across his shoulders, she managed to dust almost half the room, set the table with newly cleaned dishes, and pumped a bucket of water for cooking. Kenshin looked around without comment but Kaoru saw his lips tighten in an obvious sign of anger. Was he annoyed at her taking the initiative of cleaning his home? She didn't get a chance to ask; he abruptly dropped the wood off into the firebox and stalked back outside to clean and gut the animal for their meal.

Kenshin cooked in silence while Kaoru tackled dusting the rest of the house. The small hut became filled with strangled silence and she was even more grateful for something to do while they waited for dinner so she wouldn't have to think about the tension between them. Kaoru felt her nerves stretch from the near tangible tension emanating from Kenshin. Her apprehension and his silence only increased the strain between them.

When the animal finished roasting, they sat down together and ate without speaking. The thought suddenly struck Kaoru as she took her first bite that she hadn't had a home-cooked meal in nearly two years. Kenshin's cooking was still as good as ever but the more she ate, the more it turned into sawdust in her mouth. She knew it was only a matter of time before Kenshin began demanding answers.

But even after they finished eating, Kenshin did not bring the subject up as Kaoru expected. Or any subject, for that matter. While she quietly cleaned up the dishes, he went outside and stayed there until Kaoru's curiosity got the better of her. She peered out the window and noticed him sitting in front of the unlit huge stone kiln, staring at it with what seemed like an extremely pensive look. Kaoru decided to leave him alone and finished up the rest of the cleaning.

By the time Kenshin returned from his meditation outside, Kaoru wrung the dust cloth free from any water and looked around with faint satisfaction. The house was now livable, at least temporarily. She would have to scrub the floors with something else besides water another day.

Kenshin tugged the futon out and flung the blankets off, causing bits of dust that escaped cleaning to scatter in the air. "It's getting late, we should sleep," he said curtly.

Staring at him in astonishment, Kaoru gaped at him for a long moment. "S-sleep?" she managed to repeat.

Kenshin quirked an eyebrow at her. "Unless you had something else in mind?" he asked sardonically.

The crude joke definitely wasn't what the Kenshin she knew would have said. Kaoru's heart twisted yet again at the reminder that she no longer knew her friends. She spread the damp cloth out on the table to dry and moved towards the futon. It was clearly meant for a single but Hiko had been a big man and both she and Kenshin weren't; they would probably fit all right together.

And they did. Kenshin blew out the lamp and lay on his side so that his body curved around Kaoru's. Kaoru tried not to stiffen at the slightest movement he made and briefly wished for the sakabatou to be closer than the corner where she had leaned it for safe keeping. Even as Kenshin's breathing began to even out as he drifted off to sleep, Kaoru remained awake for a long time afterwards.

* * *

AN: Beta-ed by **Laegdin** a looooooong time ago. Many thanks to her for catching all my silly mistakes and correcting them. The second and final part will be posted approximately within the next four weeks.


	2. Part 2

Disclaimer: _Rurouni Kenshin _is copyrighted by its respective owners, of which I am not one.

* * *

When Kaoru awoke the next morning, the spot on the futon behind her was cold, indicating Kenshin had been gone for quite a while. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Kaoru forced her unresponsive body up; she had slept terribly throughout the night and she knew her eyes would show it.

The air was chilly as Kaoru stepped outside to see if Kenshin was there. Seeing no one around, she took a moment to enjoy the morning. Clear skies spanned the heavens, providing the perfect backdrop against dozens of birds as they migrated towards warmer weather. Various chirps and rustling sounds punctuated the air as other creatures stirred from their beds to begin the day. But despite the other creatures, the lack of human presence was palpable and Kaoru had never felt more alone up at Hiko's mountain.

Shaking off the feeling of isolation, Kaoru got to work. Pumping more water into a bucket, she performed her morning ablutions and refilled the bucket to use for cooking. Back inside, Kaoru coaxed the fire into a decent blaze once more to help ward off the chill as well as to prepare for breakfast. But there was still no sign of Kenshin even as the sun climbed higher into the horizon and Kaoru wondered where he went. Surely he wouldn't have tracked her down all these years and then leave her alone here, would he? Perhaps he had abandoned her after all.

But as soon as those thoughts entered her mind, Kaoru chased them away. Kenshin was not the kind of man to abandon anybody, much less her. No matter how angry he was with her, she knew he would never leave her alone. Not when he knew that was her greatest fear.

Kaoru winced at the irony of her thoughts. She wanted to be left alone yet she didn't want to be alone. Sometimes she wondered about her state of mind.

She needed to keep herself busy. Kaoru took what was left over from yesterday's dinner and reheated it over the fire. She poked through several cupboards to see if there was anything else she could use for breakfast. Kaoru wasn't surprised when she found nothing; after all, Kenshin had been gone a long time and he would know better than to keep food around that would mold over in his absence.

What Kaoru did find, however, was a large stash of sake bottles stored neatly in the largest cupboard. Most were untouched, though a few empty bottles were left. She wondered if Hiko had drank them, or if Kenshin did.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard footsteps behind her. Kaoru glanced backwards, expecting Kenshin and half hoping he would have some more food with him. But she wasn't prepared for the visitors he had brought with him.

"_Kaoru!_"

A lump rose in her throat as two men hurried towards her, one with a relieved, lopsided grin on his face and the other with a ferocious glare tinged with worry. Trying to fight back tears, Kaoru rose to her feet in time to be engulfed in a hug from two different directions. They squeezed her so tightly she felt her air circulation cutting off.

"Enough, you two," Kenshin drawled from the door just as spots began swimming in her vision.

The pressure stopped abruptly and Kaoru choked back half laughter and half a sob as she sucked in much-needed air. "Sano, Yahiko," she whispered. Her vision blurred for the second time in two days. Her emotions were teetering back and forth so much Kaoru's head started to hurt.

"We're so glad you're all right," Sano babbled. "I think my heart just about stopped when Aoshi sent word that they finally found you."

And over his words, Yahiko chimed in, "You nearly killed us all with worry, you know. Typical Busu, just thinking about herself!"

A steady stream of tears slipped down her face as Kaoru looked her two friends over. It looked like Sano hadn't changed, although his face seemed more tired and there was an extra worry line or two creasing his face. Still, he wore his familiar white 'aku' gi and the ridiculous red headband was still tied around his forehead and he seemed as strong as ever.

But Yahiko had changed the most. He had grown into a young man while Kaoru had gone. He was now as tall as she was, and his features had lost much of his baby fat, leaving in its place the face of a man who had already seen too much in his short lifetime. He wore a deep red gi and white hakama, a near mirror of Kenshin's old clothes. A sword – a real one, not just a bokken – hung at his side, resting against his left hip as if it belonged there. And although his jagged hair cut hadn't changed from two years ago, it fit his grown up features much better, accentuating a masculine bone structure that his face only hinted at before. His dark eyes, rimmed with a mixture of concern and anger, shimmered with unshed tears. But Yahiko held them back, perhaps now too old to let out his feelings as he had always done before.

"Hey now, don't turn on the water display." Sano awkwardly tried to wipe some of the tears off Kaoru's face. "It's the first time we've seen you in a few years, and we want to check that you took good care of yourself."

Grateful for the concern, Kaoru dried her eyes with the sleeve of her gi. "I'm fine," she said, her voice cracking. "I'm fine. And you two?"

"We're okay," Sano assured her. "We're … hell, Jou-chan, it's just good to see you again." And he hugged her tightly again.

"Yeah, we've done okay," Yahiko said gruffly. "No thanks to you, either." He glared at her but Kaoru saw relief lurking in the depths of his eyes. "I hope you had a good reason for running off like that."

"Yahiko," Kenshin said warningly and the youth shut up. Kaoru just stared at teen in shock. She hadn't realized how deep her former student's voice had become, but it wasn't the same tenor it used to be. Yet another change she had missed.

"But you gotta know you scared us to death, Jou-chan," Sano said. He flashed Kenshin a quick glance. "When we realized you were gone, we thought something had happened at first."

"And that note didn't help any," Yahiko said accusingly.

Kaoru dropped her gaze to the floor. Although both Sano and Yahiko were being far more understanding than she had hoped for, their words cut deep into her heart. She knew that her absence would cause an uproar, but she hadn't realized how much. Nor did she realize how much they were affected by it. Yahiko almost, but not quite, couldn't mask the pain he felt.

And Kaoru suddenly realized why. Yahiko had been as much an orphan as she had been, and perhaps worse. Left alone to fend for himself at an extremely young age, and being used by the yakuza before finding a home with Kaoru and Kenshin, the teenager would have been far more sensitive to her leaving.

How could she have been so stupid and blind? Kaoru hated herself more than ever for the pain she had caused her friends. Yet it was too late. There was no going back now.

Apparently sensing her inner turmoil, Sano cleared his throat. "But we're glad you're back and safe, Jou-chan. Really. It's been rough without you and we were worried some jerk would have taken advantage of you or hurt you in some way. But we shouldn't have been worried about that, eh?" He nudged and winked at her.

Kaoru threw Sano a grateful look and offered him a tremulous smile. "No," she whispered.

Even Yahiko attempted to assuage her guilt. "Come on, no teacher of mine would ever let some two-bit thief take advantage of her. The Ghost Swordsman did a pretty decent job cleaning up the roads, too."

So her friends had known about her thinly veiled disguise. Kaoru figured it wouldn't have fooled anyone close to her, which was why it was so easy for Misao to trap her. All they had to do was recognize which path she frequented and it would have been simple to find her.

Though now Kaoru wondered if she had hoped for discovery all along. After all, she mainly stayed around the Tokyo prefecture and only took a fair amount of effort to disguise the route she traveled. She had used the excuse that she was most familiar with the area, but had she truly wanted to be left alone, Kaoru would have stayed far away from Tokyo.

"Yeah, nice alias you took on, Jou-chan. But couldn't you have been more creative with your nickname?" Sano teased her.

"It wasn't my idea," she said wryly. "I think someone used it and it caught on."

"Something less ostentatious would have helped slow down your popularity some," Yahiko agreed. "But people like a catchy name. It lends an air of mystery."

"As much as I hate to break up this discussion, maybe we should turn our attention to more important matters," Kenshin said sardonically. Throughout the reunion, he had stayed close to the door as he watched their interaction. Kaoru noticed that his impassive mask, which she was beginning to associate with the embittered Kenshin, stayed firmly in place without regard to the teasing and laughter. "We can catch up and play nice later."

At that, Sano's face darkened. "Kenshin," he began.

"It is better that she knows the results of her actions, and the sooner the better," he said curtly.

"Know what?" Kaoru asked, confused.

At that, all three men looked at her. Finally, Sano heaved a sigh and waved his hand. "Let's sit down, Jou-chan, and we'll catch up."

They settled around the low wooden table, unease gripping Kaoru's stomach in its tight clench. She stared at Yahiko and Sano, waiting for them to speak.

Neither one wanted to start, she could tell. They glanced at each other a few times, arguing silently, until Sano finally exhaled. "All right, well, here goes. You may not like this, Jou-chan, but it's the best that we could do.

"Because you've been missing for so long, your property was considered legally abandoned a while back. And because Yahiko was still underage at the time, I bought the dojo. So … technically it's mine now." He flashed a crooked smile that tried to be both reassuring and amused. "Imagine me, owner of the dojo that teaches a kendo method I don't really know about. So I did the best I could, and made Yahiko assistant master."

Kaoru stared at Sano as he spoke, her mind swirling with confusion and anxiety. She hadn't even thought that far ahead as to what would happen to her dojo once she left. Her father's dojo and her home!

"So, uh, we both live there now," Sano continued more warily as he caught the flash of pained emotion in her eyes. "And we've got a pretty good following now, actually. I expanded the dojo's specialty to add kempo, and Aoshi gave me some good hints on how to teach the kids. Yahiko takes care of the kendo side, of course. But uh …" He glanced at Yahiko.

The teenager took over, reluctantly. "I'm not exactly teaching them the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. I never learned everything up to the level of assistant master, and you know how I started implementing a combination of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu along with what you've taught me. So I guess I just started teaching my own style."

"I … see," Kaoru said after a long moment. They had fallen silent and stared at her anxiously, as if hoping she wouldn't be too angry with them.

But Kaoru didn't know how to feel. The familiar numbness stole over her and her brain tried to sort things out in logical sense. Of course they did what they had to do to keep the dojo going; closing it down would have hurt more. But the legacy of her father's sword style was no longer being taught and she no longer had a home to go back to.

Had anything remained the same as she had left it? Were all these sudden changes divine retribution for running away from her friends? Kaoru suddenly felt as though she was suffocating and stood abruptly, jostling the table from her jerky movements. "I need some air," she mumbled and turned, stumbling out of the hut without really seeing where she was going. She needed time alone to come to terms with what she had just learned.

Kaoru vaguely heard Yahiko's concerned questions but didn't stop to hear him. She made her way down the gentle slope of the hill and followed a path deeper into the woods, concentrating simply on not tripping over anything and breathing in and out. Anything more and she would scream and breakdown.

After a while, she stopped meandering and sat down on the trunk of a fallen tree. Kaoru hadn't realized her hands were shaking until she looked down at them. Making a fist to keep them still, she closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh scent of nature. Everything was utterly still except for the occasional twitter of birds circling above her.

Kaoru didn't know how long she sat there, curiously blank. If Aoshi had been around, perhaps he would approve how she almost became one with nature. She needed to order her thoughts and sort everything out and time to digest all the changes that had occurred.

Kenshin had obviously known about Sano and Yahiko taking over the dojo so he brought her to Hiko's cottage. Perhaps that was another one of his merciful gestures to her; she could deal with change but it would take time and Kenshin knew her, sometimes far better than Kaoru thought she knew herself. And losing her father's legacy was most definitely a blow she hadn't expected as a result of her actions.

Suddenly running away seemed like the stupidest thing she could have ever done. Kaoru knew there would be deep regrets when she left her friends, but she obviously didn't think everything through. And she hadn't realized the extent of repercussions. Nothing was the same anymore. Not her relationship with Kenshin and others, and now she was homeless.

Kaoru tried to think about this newest piece of information in the most logical manner. She couldn't just think about herself. What about Sano and Yahiko and the life they had built after she left? They looked well and appeared far more successful than she had ever been. She and the others had spent the majority of time either chasing after Kenshin or chasing after someone _with_ Kenshin … and she was most definitely not the business man Kamiya Koshijirou had been. After Kaoru left and Kenshin began searching for her, Sano finally must have had the time to begin rebuilding the dojo and giving it the attention it deserved.

Kaoru knew she could ask Sano to give the dojo back to her but how could she? Despite the shock of the news, Kaoru could easily tell his pride in reviving the dojo back to its former glory. And although it no longer taught the same martial arts, at least it hadn't vanished quite completely.

And, in the end, this was probably Sano's first venture into a legitimate business that didn't include gambling or roughhousing. If he had become so successful in this honest business, who was she to force him to give it all up?

Yahiko, too, seemed to have grown up from all this. Being named assistant master finally gave him the maturity to complement the youthful confidence and feisty manner he had always displayed. And to think he created his own ryu! Kaoru knew she hurt him by leaving but he appeared to have adapted well to the current situation.

Sighing, Kaoru kicked the ground some, unearthing a stone that plinked several feet away. She couldn't ask for the dojo back from Sano. Perhaps not even if he offered it back to her.

To Kaoru's surprise, the light began to dim in the forest and she suddenly realized she had been sitting there and thinking for hours. She didn't regret the time; she finally felt calmer and more adjusted to the changes she learned about. Kaoru didn't think it was the last of the surprises in store for her, but at least she had time to digest everything and regain some sort of her equilibrium.

Kaoru reluctantly returned to the hut, slowly finding her way out of the forest. She didn't particularly want to see or talk to anyone but she knew that if Kenshin had to look for her again, things would get much worse. Besides, Kaoru had left the sakabatou back in the hut and she wouldn't leave without it.

Her dread grew as she slowly entered the house, expecting twin voices to pepper her with concerned questions and other words she didn't particularly want to hear. Kaoru didn't want their pity, either. She would rather have their anger than pity.

To her surprise, Kenshin was alone in the hut as she entered. He was at the fireplace, tending to a bubbling pot that smelled vaguely of beef. "They left," he said in response to her searching eyes. "I told them to go to the Aoiya and return tomorrow."

Kaoru wasn't sure if she wanted to thank Kenshin or demand what right he had to throw her friends out. But she guessed they were also his friends, and _he_ hadn't run away from them. So she shut her mouth, nodded, and got the dinnerware out.

They ate in complete silence, Kenshin brooding in his own thoughts, whatever they were. That suited Kaoru just fine, though she roused enough wry humor to note that they certainly did fit well together. _The moody couple_, she thought sardonically.

Once the dinner dishes were cleaned, Kenshin went outside to sit and stare some more in front of the stone kiln. Kaoru watched him for a moment, wondering what was on his mind. She desperately wanted him to demand answers from her so she wouldn't have the strain between them any longer. But he hadn't asked yet and she certainly wasn't going to bring it up.

But that wasn't her only worry. Kaoru still didn't know how to _feel_ about the news that her childhood home was gone as well as her father's legacy. She had fought so hard to keep going, even when the dojo had reached down to one student and it seemed like things couldn't get any worse. Losing it was something she hadn't anticipated, though she probably should have.

She still wasn't any closer to resolving her feelings on either situation when Kenshin came in and they got ready for bed. Kaoru didn't protest but meekly went to the futon where Kenshin was. Though she did finally manage to fall sleep after several hours of laying there, her rest was riddled with worries and concerns she had no answers to.

* * *

Sano and Yahiko were back early the next day, bringing in two large packages neatly wrapped up. Kaoru, who had woken up as broody as the master of the house, tensed as they entered with cheery greetings. To her relief, they didn't bring up last night, especially as Kenshin shot them a warning look as he tended to the fire.

Apparently, they understood as neither men mentioned yesterday. Instead, they focused on the one thing that always brought them together, whether it was silly misunderstandings or the Juppongatana: food.

"Omasu and Okon insisted we take you breakfast," Yahiko said, dropping one on the table. Kaoru's eyebrows rose as she heard the heavy thud; as usual, the two women had overdone it.

"They also said to come and visit as soon as you're able," Sano added. "Whew! Carrying this thing up without being able to eat something on the way was torture …"

Kaoru appreciated them striving to appear normal but it made her feel worse. Still, she knew they were only trying to help, and perhaps to make up for what happened yesterday. So she just smiled, even if it was a little strained. "Well, I'm glad you've got more self-control now, Sano."

Yahiko snorted. "I also threatened him so don't think he's changed _that_ drastically."

"Hey! That's no way to speak to your employer!" Sano retorted, reaching out to cuff the teenager on his head.

But Yahiko ducked out the way and waved his hand in dismissal; obviously, it was an idle threat. "Whatever. Come on, let's eat, I'm starving."

As they sat down together to eat for the first time in a very long time, both Sano and Yahiko tried to keep up the cheery conversation. But Kaoru couldn't keep the façade up even though she tried to keep the smile on her face. And Kenshin said nothing the entire meal, not even looking at his two friends. Eventually the conversation died down until and Sano and Yahiko glanced at each other worriedly.

When breakfast ended, Kaoru imagined everyone was relieved from the uncomfortable tension. As she went outside to wash the dishes, she overheard Sano and Yahiko talking to Kenshin in low voices, trying to keep her from hearing the conversation. But with the door open, she heard every word they said.

"What the hell did you say to her, Kenshin?" Sano demanded. "She looks like someone went inside her head and gave her a beating!"

"That's not Kaoru," Yahiko added hotly. "That's not even a _ghost_ of Kaoru."

"I know she hurt you badly when she ran away but she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment," Sano said. "You're better than that, don't make her suffer like this!"

Kaoru sighed, wondering if this was how everyone treated Kenshin the first time they realized she was missing. Misao had mentioned people may have blamed him for her disappearance, and it wasn't fair. Certainly Kenshin had been a large reason as to why she left, but it wasn't because he had said or done anything. At least, not lately. In fact, he had been more than merciful considering the deep hurt she felt emanating from him. Kaoru set the plate she was washing back into the soapy tub and stood up, intending to set her friends straight on that issue.

But Kenshin's response froze her step in mid-air. He said coolly, "Whatever is said between us is none of your business. Don't interfere in this, either of you. I will do what I think is right."

"You can't honestly expect us to stand aside while you abuse her like that," Sano retorted. "Jou-chan's been through a lot already and we won't let you hurt her anymore."

"So you both think that I caused her to leave? You should have said so from the very beginning." Kenshin's tone became even more frigid and clipped. Kaoru shivered as she heard him, imagining his eyes starting to glow a deep gold.

"We don't know what happened," Yahiko put in, being more diplomatic than Kaoru would had given him credit for. "But I think we all agree we shouldn't give her more reason to run again. This weird atmosphere has to stop, which means we need to be patient with her until she wants to tell us what went wrong."

"She won't run again. She knows better than that. Don't you, Kaoru?"

It took a moment for Kaoru to realize the silky toned question was directed at her and she jerked back reflexively. She didn't realize she had inched closer to hear the conversation better until she was practically standing in the doorway. Now, as all three men looked at her, she took a deep breath. "Sano, Yahiko," she said firmly, "thank you for your concern, but Kenshin didn't do anything."

Sano didn't look convinced and folded his arms across his chest in stubborn disbelief and Yahiko blinked. "He didn't?"

Kaoru took one step inside the house. "No, he didn't," she said. "We just need time to work some things out." Her heart throbbed as she added more softly, "I think … I think it's best that you two don't come back until we're able to come to some sort of conclusion on this issue."

Sano's arms fell to his side as his jaw dropped open in disbelief. "What?"

Even Yahiko first looked startled, then hurt. "I don't understand. What's going on?"

Kaoru sighed again and covered her face with her hand. She had made a complete mess of things and now she was hurting the people she loved most all over again. She wondered if she could ever make it up to them.

But she also knew she was doing the right thing. Kaoru had to sort things out with Kenshin first before she could face her friends. She owed Kenshin that much. So Kaoru only murmured with her head bent, "Please trust me on this."

The silence stretched between them for what seemed like years until Sano threw his hands up. "Whatever, okay fine. I get it. We're not wanted here. I can take a hint. Come on, Yahiko." He stomped out, brushing past Kaoru without even looking at her.

Yahiko hesitated and looked between Kaoru and Kenshin. At last he sighed in resignation. "Forgive him, you know how temperamental he is. He'll get over it once everything is explained." He paused before adding, "And that will happen, yes?"

Kaoru met his sober dark eyes and nodded silently. Apparently satisfied with the answer, Yahiko headed out the door, reaching out to squeeze her arm briefly in a reassuring gesture before he, too, left, closing the door gently behind him.

Kaoru stared after them for a long moment. The ache of loneliness she experienced while traveling on her own the past two years came back in full force. She knew they loved her and she them, yet she had torn them all apart with her actions. It was friend against friend against friend. Sano's anger was completely justified and Kaoru wondered if even a lifetime would be enough time to rebuild that trust between everyone again.

But she couldn't think about that now. Slowly, Kaoru turned back to give her full attention to the man in front of her. He watched her quietly, arms crossed at his chest, the golden eyes flashing with the same bitterness and hurt reflected in Sano's and Yahiko's expression. But this was much worse. Kaoru realized that she had not only hurt Kenshin, but hurt him in the way only she could. She hurt him deeply because he allowed himself to be so affected by her and her alone. Even his friends had turned against him, and all because of her actions.

Taking a deep breath to steady her jangling nerves, Kaoru said shakily, "I guess we should talk."

Kenshin said nothing and she hated that he appeared so frigidly calm when she felt almost ready to jump out of her skin. Unsure of where to start, Kaoru asked softly, "Does everyone blame you for my leaving? I know Misao wasn't too sure. What about Megumi?"

"I have not seen her for a while," he said stiffly. "She chose to remain in Tokyo."

"Oh." Now Kaoru wished she hadn't brought the subject up. She and Megumi had their ups and downs, but of all her friends, she thought the doctor would have supported Kenshin unconditionally. Her supposition appeared to be incorrect and the tension seemed to increase, if possible. _I think I'm beginning to get used to all the silent pressure_, Kaoru thought wearily.

She had no idea what to say or how to begin at all. Should she try to explain why she left? Her reasons seemed so selfish now and perhaps even ridiculous. Kaoru wasn't even sure if anyone else would understand it.

A voice suddenly shattered the stilted air between them. "Battousai! We know you're inside! Come on out and face us!"

Startled at the strange voice, Kaoru turned her ear towards the door and realized that there was more than just one person out there, if the muttering drones were any indication. "What in the … who's out there?" Bewildered, she looked over at Kenshin to see if he knew what was going on.

Kenshin didn't answer but stood, a feral snarl on his lips. And, if Kaoru still knew how to read him, a hint of satisfaction appeared to shine from the bright gold eyes. "Kenshin?" she asked tentatively then yelped as several heavy thuds pelted the front door. She held her arm up in an unconscious gesture of protection while Kenshin automatically moved between her and the door. "Kenshin?" she asked again, more urgently.

"Stay back," he growled. Striding over to his replacement sword, he unsheathed the dull weapon as he headed for the door and flung it open, heedless of the rocks thrown at the hut.

Hating the way he ignored her question and told her to stay back as if she was a child in need of protection, Kaoru reached out for the sakabatou and ran after him.

She skidded to a halt just behind him, gaping at the scene in front of her. Fifty or sixty men, and even a few women, armed with various weapons, were arrayed before them at the base of the hill, muttering angrily amongst themselves. Three men appeared vaguely familiar and were at the forefront of the mob scene, glaring at Kenshin. From their body language, Kaoru recognized they were looking for a fight.

And so was Kenshin, Kaoru noted, glancing at the rigid figure facing the disgruntled group. His chi appeared ready to go into battle, no matter that most of them appeared to be civilians and no match for Kenshin. Yet the sheer number of people worried Kaoru. Kenshin was good, but could be possible take down so many without getting hurt. And why were these people here anyway?

One of the men in the front, a stout and bearded figure finally spoke, the sneer evident in his voice. "So you come out, Battousai. You need to pay for your crimes!"

"Which one?" Kenshin asked with a self-deprecating smile.

His response apparently threw the man off guard for a moment but he recovered quickly. Pointing a butcher knife in his direction, Beard Man said angrily, "The one where you pay for the murder of the Ghost Swordsman!"

And Kaoru suddenly remembered why three of the men seemed so familiar; they were at the teahouse when Kenshin had made his big announcement. She wanted to slap a hand to her head. This was about her so-called death? If Kenshin had kept his mouth shut, eventually the Ghost Swordsman would have become the stuff of legends. But the moment that a red-head with a cross-shaped scar on his cheek announced he had killed the Swordsman, she became a martyr to the common folk!

"Of all the stupid reasons to fight," Kaoru muttered to herself before stomping forward to clear this entire situation up.

Only Kenshin's arm shot out and stopped her from moving. "Stay where you are," he ordered without looking at her.

His expectation of her obeisance infuriated Kaoru even more. "Don't tell me what to do," she snapped back. "This is just a misunderstanding. They'll understand once I explain …"

"You will explain nothing," Kenshin said evenly, even keeping his eyes off the three men. A cruel smile lifted the corner of his lips in a completely foreign expression Kaoru had never seen on his face before. "Let them come."

Kaoru stared at Kenshin as if he had suddenly sprouted another head. Since when did Kenshin start welcoming fights instead of doing his best to avoid them? But from the look on his face, she realized that he was just itching for a fight. And the mob, picking up on his eagerness, appeared just as ready as he was. "Kenshin!"

And then, as one, the mob surged forward with a battle cry, waving the pitchforks and shovels threateningly. "For the Ghost Swordsman!" someone cried.

Helpless, Kaoru watched as they climbed the hill to attack Kenshin, or her, or both. She couldn't raise a weapon against them, not against innocent people. It went against everything she believed in. Beside her, she felt Kenshin tense in readiness.

But before the masses could take more than a handful of steps, a shockingly loud boom erupted like the sound of firecrackers, causing Kaoru to flinch at the sudden noise. The mob stopped as well, confused and looking around for the source.

"Everybody, lower your weapons," an authoritative voice ordered. Several blue-gray uniformed men appeared from the woods to take up position at the bottom of the hill with pistols trained on the mob. "This is a police order by order of the Meiji government. Lay down your arms and be prepared to be taken into custody."

Kaoru stared at the officers who seemed to have shown up out of nowhere. She glanced at Kenshin quickly and realized he was just as he confused as she was. So he hadn't planned this either. The dull thud of equipment dropping to the ground brought her eyes back to the mob, who complied hastily in light of the Western weapons trained on them. Only Beard Man stepped forward and shouted, "I demand that Battousai be arrested! He should be charged with murder!"

"Quiet." A tall man with several epaulets gleaming on his uniform strode forward. "I will decide who will be charged with anything after hearing the full story. But for now, all of you are under arrest for unlawful riot gathering with the intent to commit a crime and trespassing."

"But he's Battousai!" the man cried out. "He killed the Swordsman!"

"The Ghost Swordsman is nothing but an old woman's tale," the officer scoffed. "Go quietly or face further charges." Apparently the threat was enough and Beard Man backed down. Satisfied, the official nodded to the police soldiers. "Gather them together and take them away."

In quick order, the police lined the now-docile crowd and herded them away, presumably towards the city. None of the policemen looked at Kaoru or Kenshin and left just as silently as they came.

"What just happened here?" Karou wondered out loud, more than slightly frustrated. "What are you going to do with them?"

The tall officer finally turned his attention to them, eyes narrowed. "Take them into the station and eventually let them go," he replied. "You two were lucky someone noticed a large group of discontent farmers heading in this direction and thought to alert the police."

"Lucky," Kenshin said shortly.

The official didn't seem happy either but Kaoru wasn't sure if it was because of the mob or Kenshin's attitude . "There's still a sword ban in effect, in case you forgot," he told them curtly before he left after his men.

Kaoru took a deep breath, realizing how fast her heart was beating and how grateful she was for the police to intervene when they did. Kenshin might not have had a problem with fighting civilians, but she certainly did. She opened her mouth to ask the red-head what he was _thinking_ when she heard yet another voice.

"Battousai. I should have known it was you causing all this trouble," drawled a strangely familiar tone.

Kaoru's eyes widened and she whirled around to face the voice. "Saitou!"

Saitou Hajime's eyes flickered over to Kaoru, appearing completely unsurprised at her presence. "And no are no less culpable, Kamiya Kaoru. Or should I just call you the 'Ghost Swordsman'?" he added sarcastically

Sputtering, Kaoru asked, "You knew?"

He hadn't changed one bit. Saitou still looked every inch the imposing police officer Kaoru remembered, from his stern, unwavering expression down to his crisp, pristine uniform and the gleaming sword at his hip. Although everyone else seemed to have grown older, Saitou still looked exactly the same. She wouldn't be surprised if everyone had gray hair thirty years from now and he still looked ageless.

Saitou snorted in derision. "I am not blind or stupid, woman. Of course I knew. Who wouldn't figure it out after seeing you flash that _very recognizable _sakabatou all over the province?"

Kaoru flushed at the slight jeer in his tone. "I did not 'flash' the sakabatou around!"

Ignoring her indignant protest, Saitou turned to face Kenshin. "And Battousai, I should arrest you for disturbing the peace. Inciting a mob is a crime. If you're looking for a fight, go do it on someone else's watch."

"They came looking for him!" Kaoru cut in. "He didn't know they would take him so seriously!"

Barely sparing her a glance, Saitou took out a cigarette and lit it with a practiced gesture. "I'm warning you, Battousai. I am the law in this area and if you want to live here in peace, I suggest you control yourself, and your strange, pitiful notion of revenge. Do not make me come back here again, or I will have no mercy next time."

Kenshin, strangely silent, merely met Saitou's gaze for a long moment before jerking his head in acknowledgment. He sheathed his sword and stalked back inside the hut.

Flabbergasted at Kenshin's strange behavior, Kaoru watched him disappear inside before turning to Saitou. But the police officer had already walked away, leaving only the faint smell of a burning cigarette and a thin trail of smoke in his wake.

Uncertain as to what just happened, Kaoru stood there at a loss until she headed back to the hut herself, automatically leaning the sakabatou in its usual place. She then watched Kenshin squat down and use a stick to poke at the fire moodily. "What did Saitou mean about you looking for a fight? Did you really want to fight an entire mob by yourself?"

The only response was a grunt and Kenshin reaching over to add more wood to the fire.

A hint of annoyance began to creep up Kaoru's face and she put her hands on her hips. "What is going on, Himura Kenshin?" she demanded, feeling very much like her old self rebuking a hapless rurouni. "Is Saitou right? All you wanted to do was take your anger out on innocent people?"

Kenshin finally looked at her before glancing away. "I only told them the truth. If they couldn't handle it, that's their problem, not mine," he muttered.

"You're the only who provoked them in the first place!" Karou cried. "First you told them you killed the Ghost Swordsman and then you practically challenged them into attacking you simultaneously!"

Embittered gold eyes flickered in her direction. "They didn't have to agree."

Kaoru wanted to slap her hand to her forehead. He just didn't get it. "They wouldn't have if you hadn't acted so aggressively!"

Kenshin arose suddenly, anger flaring from him like a sudden burst of heat. "And do you think I should have let them keep thinking that the Ghost Swordsman was alive and well? That she would still be around to rescue them? I told them the truth, and they needed to hear that their precious savior wouldn't be back!"

The anger from Kenshin's words hit her like a punch to the stomach. Karou finally understood what Saitou had been saying. Kenshin wasn't angry at those people; he was angry at her. No, not even at her. "You hated the fact that I was the Ghost Swordsman," she murmured, more to herself than him.

His lips twisted into a snarl. "The Ghost Swordsman should never have existed."

Kaoru stared at Kenshin for a long moment. She didn't understand the bitterness behind his words. "What do you mean?"

Kenshin shot her a hard look and refused to say anything. She sensed the roiling fury under his skin. Whatever his problem was with her former alias, Kaoru could tell it affected him greatly. So she tried again. "Why don't you like the fact that I was the Ghost Swordsman?" she asked more gently.

But instead of subduing his anger, Kenshin's gold eyes flashed such hot ire Kaoru almost took a step back while reaching for the sakabatou in defense. "Do you think I want to hear about what you did while you were gone?" he hissed. He stalked forward and she backpedaled away from him until she hit the wall, mesmerized by the cold heat his eyes alone radiated. Trapping her in between his arms, Kenshin leaned forward until his breath curled on her cheek and she could feel every word before he spoke them. "Do you think it was easy for me to hear everything you did, putting yourself in danger and risking your life for people, while I was nowhere near by to help you? Did you think that I would be fine with hearing what you were doing while I searched for two long years to find you? Did you?"

Kaoru, wide-eyed at his raw confession, opened her mouth to answer but Kenshin suddenly tore himself away from her and stomped to the other side of the room where he sagged against the wall, his back towards her. "Kenshin," she whispered.

"The Ghost Swordsman's very existence showed that I was not enough for you, Kaoru," Kenshin murmured. "Even worse, I wasn't a part of your life during that time." Almost wearily, as if his anger was spent, he lifted his head up to her. "How do you expect me to feel about that?"

Silence ensued, stretching between them through the length of the hut. Kaoru stood there, looking at Kenshin who refused to look at her any longer. "I … don't know what to say," she said finally. "I didn't mean to turn it into a big thing but I thought – well, I thought I should help people, just like you helped them in your wanderings."

Kenshin's hollow laughter sounded anything but humorous. "I did that to atone for my past sins, Kaoru. I had killed so many that a hundred years of doing 'good' wouldn't be sufficient enough to remove the stain on my soul." He glanced at her, violet leaking back into his eyes. He suddenly looked like a tired man who had carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. "And I would have thought you of all people would have realized it was also my way of running away from the present. A wanderer without a home or friends isn't truly alive. You taught me that."

More silence ensued until Kaoru thought she would suffocate from the heaviness in the air. "I didn't realize," she finally said softly.

"You're right, you didn't," Kenshin agreed. "You didn't understand that the life you had was everything I was looking for. Even Sanosuke and Yahiko knew and felt it themselves." His bitter, hollow laughter caused a surge of guilt inside of Kaoru. "So how can the very woman who was determined to save us all not even recognize the precious gift she was given?"

Hanging her head in shame, Kaoru blinked back tears that had gathered in front of her vision. "I don't know," she whispered. "I just thought …"

"You thought what?" Kenshin prompted after a long pause. "Tell me, Kaoru, what were you thinking?"

The thin edge of desperation and loathing colored Kenshin's words, and Kaoru knew she had to bare it all. She couldn't hide her feelings any longer, if at least to make him understand where she was coming from. "I was afraid I was losing myself," she whispered, glad her hair was covering her face. "I was becoming so dependent on you. After all this time together, I realized one day that … I'm not the same person I used to be. I was so much stronger and then I felt I wasn't. If you left, Kenshin, or if something happened to you …" Her voice broke and she choked back a sob. It took a moment to get herself back in control. "I realized that I became nothing without you."

"Is it so bad to love me, then?" Kenshin's voice was flat. "You seem to think that it has made you weak."

"No," Kaoru cried, jerking her head up to look at him. "That's not what I meant. But Kenshin, you're changing me. You're making me into someone that I'm not."

"What am I doing that is so wrong?" he demanded. "What have I done to you that makes you think this is my fault?"

Kaoru shook her head furiously. "You don't understand, Kenshin. Before I met you, I was independent. I was alone so I had to make all the decisions. I hated it and I wished every night that I would find someone who would help me, just like my father did when I was young. And when you showed up and did just that, I was so happy. I finally found someone whom I could depend on. You made me feel safe for the first time in a long time and I loved you for it.

"But … something happened. While I still wanted someone to watch over me and make me feel secure, I also began to realize that I needed someone to acknowledge me as an equal, a partner. I'm a woman, yes, but I'm an intelligent, capable woman who doesn't want to be overtaken by a dominant personality." Kaoru sighed heavily and raked a hand through her hair. "You were taking me over, Kenshin. Unintentional or not, I was becoming not your partner, but a shadow beside you. I was becoming weak and I despised the person I was becoming. I couldn't live with myself if I lost myself to you."

"I never treated you as if you were unimportant," Kenshin retorted.

"No, you didn't, which made me feel worse," Kaoru said tiredly. "You treated me as if I were a precious jewel, a woman whom you cherished and adored, like a doll. Never as your partner. Never as someone whom you respected as a fighter and a survivor."

Kenshin opened his mouth but closed it abruptly. He didn't say anything for a while and Kaoru let him think. She sagged against the wall and took a deep breath. This conversation was by far the hardest but at least it was all out in the open now. She didn't feel burden-free by any means, but at least she had finally spoken what was on her mind.

"I am who I am, Kaoru," Kenshin finally said. "I want to protect you, your innocence from the evils of this world. That is how I've always thought of you. I cannot change that desire."

Kaoru closed her eyes and nodded. "I understand. But I hope you also realize Kenshin, that I can't live in that bubble anymore. Not now, and not ever again."

The oppressive silence grew between them and Kaoru braved her eyes open to see Kenshin staring at her with the intensity that bordered on uncomfortable. He was trying to see if she meant it, Kaoru realized. If there was any way for things to go back the way they were. The way _he_ wanted it to be.

And as much as Kaoru wished it otherwise, she knew she couldn't live an existence as his shadow anymore. She had her own plans and dreams. They had always included Kenshin, but not at the expense of losing her sense of identity. Something akin to regret filled Kenshin's eyes as he realized her resolve and Kaoru knew hers held much of the same. They would both miss the closeness they once shared, but it seemed as though it was too high of a price for either of them to pay.

They lapsed into silence for a while from opposite sides of the house, staring at each other until Kaoru finally stirred and took a deep breath. "So where do we go from here?" she asked softly.

"I don't know," he said frankly.

Kaoru nodded. Even if they were to become friends again, it would take months, even years, for Kenshin to trust her for a second time. Still, she had hope that not all was lost; for the first time since they had spoken, Kenshin didn't sound angry and bitter anymore. But it was time to move on again and let time heal the wounds she had exposed from her actions. Kaoru said briskly, "I'll ask Misao if I can stay at the Aoiya for a while. I'm sure Sano and Yahiko don't need an old busybody like me interrupting their dojo business." The words tasted bittersweet in her mouth but there was no use regretting the past two years. It sounded as though they were doing well and she had no intention of burdening them.

Kenshin said nothing and Kaoru decided there really was nothing left to say to each other, given neither was willing to budge on this issue. She decided to let Kenshin to set the pace of rebuilding their relationship and seek her out when he was ready. If he ever was ready.

Straightening up, Kaoru reached out for the sakabatou but hesitated just before her fingers connected with the familiar, worn hilt. Yearning overcame her but Kaoru drew back. She had always known the sword was borrowed and never hers. It had been a constant companion during her days on the road and she was grateful for the comfort it had offered. But that chapter of her life ended and she needed to start anew.

Feeling Kenshin's eyes still watching her, Kaoru straightened and offered him one last small smile. "I'll see you around, Kenshin." She took the few steps outside of Hiko's – no, Kenshin's cottage – and out of his life.

But even with the brave front she put up, Kaoru didn't know what she would do next. Her whole life had been built around the Kamiya Kasshiin Ryu but now even that was gone. Perhaps she could ask Sano to continue practicing her craft there. Or even work at the Aoiya. Not as a cook of course; Misao had tasted enough of her cooking to know Kaoru's talent lay elsewhere. But she could wash dishes or even wait on the diners.

The heaviness of leaving Kenshin without a promise to see each other again lingered like a great weight but Kaoru tried to shake it off. Whatever she had with Kenshin was now in his hands. In the meantime, she had to make amends with her other friends and was determined not to commit any further acts that would hurt them. She was no longer a little girl or even a young woman anymore; she was twenty years old and mature enough to think beyond just herself.

Still, taking step by step away from Kenshin wasn't as easy as it had been two years ago. Kaoru sighed, raking a hand through her hair in frustration. She had a feeling she would be angry at herself for a long time to come.

She was almost at the foot out of the mountain when a heavy weight suddenly tackled her from behind. Kaoru grunted in surprise as she staggered forward before catching her balance. A tight vise squeezed her, trapping her arms to her side. For a second, Kaoru wondered what sort of attack this was when she realized who it was.

Kenshin held her from behind, laying his head on the flat of her back. He said nothing, but kept his eyes tightly shut.

Kaoru caught her breath as she twisted around to see him. Memories rushed to the forefront from years back, back when she had begged Kenshin not to leave for Kyoto. The fireflies had been out in full force and she had held him among the dancing light as if her life depended on it. But even then, Kaoru knew she had lost him.

Now, their positions were reversed.

"Don't go." Kenshin finally spoke, his voice hoarse as if he hadn't used it in years. "Don't go. I thought I could watch you walk away but I can't."

Kaoru's breath caught as tears welled up in her eyes at his words. She felt his thin frame shudder with pent up emotion, far more than she had ever seen him express before. Choking back a sob, Kaoru had to clear her throat before she spoke. "I won't," she whispered. The heaviness in her heart lifted and she felt lighter than she had in years. She closed her eyes and reveled in his familiar warmth, the comforting smell of ginger and pine. Her arms were beginning to grow numb from the vise-like grip around her, but Kaoru didn't care. Kenshin still wanted her and that was all that mattered.

* * *

_AN: The epilogue to tie up the loose ends will be up sometime in the next couple of weeks. I just thought I had better post the rest of the story because a year is quite long enough for a short WIP to stay incomplete. Further editing will also be done so if there are any mistakes in the meantime, please feel free to point them out. Thanks for everyone's patience in the meantime._


	3. Epilogue

Disclaimer: _Rurouni Kenshin _is copyrighted by its respective owners, of which I am not one.

Warning: Unbeta-ed

* * *

At first, Misao – being the dutiful Okashira that she was – tried ignoring the rhythmic thud and occasional crack coming from outside her window to concentrate on the pile of paperwork assigned to her. When that didn't work, she gritted her teeth and jammed her fingers in her ears in another vain attempt to block the noise. But with no free hands left, Misao couldn't return any correspondence or make any notations for Okina. It was a moot point anyway; she could still hear the pounding right outside.

At last, frustrated and annoyed, Misao finally slammed her hands down on the desk and stood up to march to the window. Opening up the wooden shutters, she stuck her head out to bellow, "Sagara Sanosuke, you cut that noise out right now! People are trying to _work_ here!"

Sano looked up from the garden, pausing from letting out his frustrations on the sakura tree. "Sorry," he said but he looked far from it.

Yahiko, seated on the engawa directly below Misao's window, simply snorted.

Misao fought the urge to kecho kick them both. It had been two days since Sano and Yahiko returned unexpectedly from Kenshin's hut. _Two days_ since the constant pounding made Misao's head throb in time with the angry punches. Sano had been so furious he went immediately to the nearest tree in the garden and started punching it until the trunk cracked from the flurry of punches. Jiya had not been happy about that but decided it was better that Sano take his frustrations out on a plant rather than the Aoiya customers.

Yahiko, surprisingly the saner of the two, when asked about their sudden appearance, would only say that Kaoru asked them to leave to give her time in working things out with Kenshin. He refused to elaborate further, but he, too, had been brooding. Thankfully, it was in a less violent manner than his partner. Out of respect for their privacy, everyone left them alone after that. Obviously, the reunion had not gone well.

And while Misao loved them both dearly, they were also beginning to grate on her last nerve. Yahiko rarely spoke and Sano kept killing all the trees in their garden when he wasn't eating them out of business. She couldn't work with all this tension!

So Misao opened her mouth to tactfully suggest maybe they go home until Kaoru summoned them or whatever when she caught a glimpse of familiar figure walking on the city streets in the direction of the Aoiya. Her jaw dropped open in shock.

"You should close your mouth before flies go in," Sano sagely advised her with raised eyebrows. "Or before Shinomori sees you and decides to break off the engagement." He cackled, teasing her for the first time since they arrived.

"Kaoru!" she blurted out in response and disappeared from the window.

"What?" Sano asked, confused, but Yahiko leapt to his feet.

"Kaoru's here," he said tersely and ran for the gate. The street fighter blinked a few times, still confused, before following the younger man.

Misao had beaten them and was already hugging Kaoru enthusiastically at the side gate. "You're here!" she said happily. "And thank goodness, because Sano was on a nature killing spree," she added under her breath. Then she peered around her friend. "Where's Himura?"

"He didn't come with me," Kaoru said. She watched Yahiko and Sano approach and took a deep breath. Misao, following her gaze, squeezed her hand in reassurance and was rewarded with a grateful smile. When the two men were closer, Kaoru stepped forward and offered them a low, formal bow. She almost felt the surprise radiating from them and she would have smiled if her body could stop trembling. "I'm here to ask for your forgiveness," she said softly, head still bowed. "I'm sorry that my stupidity caused so many problems between us and worse, between you and Kenshin. He didn't force me to leave, I just felt as though I had to. So please, don't let my actions destroy the friendship and trust between you all."

The silence that fell was awkward and Misao tried to ease away from the group to give them privacy, but Kaoru tightened the grip on her hand. "And you as well, Misao. I'm certain Aoshi wasn't all too happy to track down an errant girl acting like a child."

"Kaoru." Yahiko's grave voice called her head to lift and meet his dark, solemn eyes. "Do you regret running away?"

She considered her answer for a bit before shaking her head. "Yes and no. I regret the pain I caused my friends and family, but I didn't regret leaving and living on my own for once. It was awful and exhilarating and challenging and I grew up from the experience. But what I did to us …" Kaoru shook her head. "Nothing could be worth the pain I caused." She exhaled slowly. "I can't change the past and I certainly wouldn't be surprised if you're going to be mad at me for a very long time. But it was me, not Kenshin, that caused all this. Please, don't blame him."

Apparently satisfied with the broken explanation, Yahiko assured her, "We were just worried about you. We didn't really think Kenshin did anything. He loved you, too, you know, just like us. Right, Sano?"

Sano stuck his hands in his pockets and looked away stubbornly.

Kaoru sighed at his response but she expected as much. Out of all her friends, Sano would be the most difficult to understand. He tended to see things as black and white, with very little grey. To Sano, she would only leave if someone forced her to, and Kenshin was the most logical explanation.

Tamping down another surge of guilt, Kaoru turned to Misao. "I don't suppose you're in need of a worker with bad cooking skills?" she asked with a half a smile.

"There's no need for that," Yahiko protested, immediately understanding why she would ask such a thing. "You can go back to Tokyo with us. The dojo is your home."

Smiling at Yahiko, Kaoru only shook her head. "I would only be in the way there. You and Sano have a thriving business that has no room for another fighting style. You don't need me anymore. You proved that."

Sano looked back. "What about the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu?"

"Oh, I still believe in it with all my heart," she assured him. "But not many others do, not these days. Perhaps, in time, I'll find a student who will carry on my father's ideals." Kaoru shrugged and smiled helplessly. "But I've also come to terms with the fact that I'm no business woman. It might be time to try something new."

"You're welcome to stay with us for as long as you want," Misao said. She turned to Sano and Yahiko. "And, of course, you two are welcome to come visit any time."

Yahiko scratched the back of his head. "Well, this is the first time we've been away since we started the business so it might be a while before we can come back." He cast Kaoru an apologetic look. "You know how it is."

Kaoru chuckled. "Yes. I do." She looked at Sano, who was kicking the ground. "Sanosuke?"

"What?" he muttered, not looking up.

Hesitating for a moment, she finally put a hand on his arm. "Are we … all right?"

Sano heaved a sigh and finally looked at her with troubled eyes. "I don't know," he said frankly. "Will we ever be all right?"

That wooden, lost stare startled Kaoru so that she dropped her hand on his arm. She didn't know what to say.

"What a silly question to ask," Misao declared suddenly. "Of course you will. We all will." When all eyes turned to her, she shrugged. "It's true. Everything changes," she said reasonably. "People change. Circumstances change. But through it all, the one thing that doesn't are your friends. Not after all we've been through together." Her cerulean eyes met each gaze squarely. "Don't you think it would be a shame for us to turn away from one another now? After we fought so hard for peace and hope?"

"Misao is right." Aoshi emerged from the Aoiya, followed by Okina. He stood next to Misao who beamed up at him. "It would be a great pity if the Kenshingumi were to be torn apart when so many new and great opportunities have arisen from it."

"What opportunities?" Sano snapped. "You mean our broken friendships? The mistrust?"

"What Aoshi means, Sanosuke, is your new business. Your partnership with Yahiko. Your students, your hand at a legitimate and respectable business." Okina stroked his white beard thoughtfully as he looked straight at the younger man. "And the beginning of a possible relationship with the lady doctor, even."

Kaoru's eyebrows shot up and she looked at Sano closely. Was he … _blushing?_

"You would never have accomplished these things if Kaoru had stayed," Aoshi said gravely. "Do not focus merely on the negative changes, but focus on the good things that have occurred."

"That's true," Yahiko admitted. "I would never have thought to create my own ryu. And be the swordsman I am at this young an age?" He grinned at Sano. "And who knew Sano could do math and actually be a successful businessman?"

"Hey!" Sano protested, but it was weak.

Aoshi looked down at Kaoru. "Himura is here," he said quietly.

Gasping, Kaoru whirled around to see Kenshin hovering near the open side gate. His expression looked uncertain as he met her gaze. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "I thought we agreed some time alone and distance was best."

"I, er … just wanted to make sure you arrived at the Aoiya safely," he murmured, looking away. "It's gotten more dangerous with all the flood of Westerners lately."

"Oh." Her eyes softened as she noticed him actually fidgeting. "I'm glad you're here." Despite his confession that he couldn't bear to see her walk out of his life, the awkwardness and hurt were still there. It would take time for those wounds to be healed, and Kaoru decided it was easier for her to stay with Misao until she figured out what to do with her life. It would also allow Kenshin a chance to see her, if he wanted to, without putting too much pressure on their fragile truce.

Kenshin looked up at her through his red bangs, meeting her earnest blue eyes. No one said anything for a while until Sano suddenly made an impatient noise.

"You two are going to be old and gray before anything happens," he commented sourly. "Go on, Jou-chan, give him a hug."

Kaoru cast him a quizzical glance but Sano gestured to her with a wave of his hands. "Can't you see the man is dying for a good hug and a reason to say 'Oro?' Now, go on! Yahiko and I have to leave soon and get back to the dojo to make sure that Heisuke didn't do anything stupid while we were gone."

"Oh? Leaving before you crack all my trees down?" Okina remarked a little sarcastically.

But Kaoru didn't hear him. She looked at Kenshin again before looking back at all her friends. Misao bounced up and down in excitement while Aoshi gave her a blank look. Yahiko stood between Sano and Okina, trying to keep them separated as they squabbled.

She smiled to herself at the rather familiar scene and watched Kenshin, catching the longing look in his eyes. But not just for her, Kaoru realized. For the friendship and the love he once had with all of them. He felt the separation just as much as she did. And she didn't want him to feel alone anymore.

Kaoru slowly walked towards him, not looking away until they were only a foot apart. Slowly, she held out her hand, consciously aware of every eye now trained on them.

Kenshin stared at her hand before lifting his violet eyes back to her. Finally, he grasped it and suddenly wrapped an arm around her in a tight hug.

Startled at his movements, Kaoru relaxed after a moment in his embrace. She closed her eyes and smiled into his shoulder. She couldn't turn back the time or change what had happened but that was all right. The Kenshingumi would start over again and see where it took them. And this time, perhaps they would get it right.

"Tadaima," Kaoru whispered to him, ignoring Misao's loud "Aww," in the background.

Kenshin tightened his hold on her as if he would never let go again. "Tadaima," he murmured back.

* * *

_AN: Apologies for the extremely late update. Thanks to _Felix02_ for the encouragement to finish this story, though it still seems a little incomplete somehow. Nevertheless, I hope it lives up to expectations. Please enjoy and, as always, if you have questions or comments, feel free to PM me._


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